2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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