I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you still have your period?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
