the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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