I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
