Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
