I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
