Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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