yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
