went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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