But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
