How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
