You're completely useless in the revolution.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
