Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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