Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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