Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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