White coat. Heels.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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