And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
