his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
