the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
