Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
