Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
