HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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