just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
