But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
