A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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