are you still at the devil's house?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
