This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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