"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
