smell my finger.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
