My liver just broke up with me...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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