Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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