i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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