i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
