Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
