Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
