I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
