Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
