I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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