did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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