I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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