I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
