can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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