Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
