I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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