yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
