He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
