I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
