he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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