I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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