Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
