I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
