Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
