I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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