I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
